The absurd reality of trying to trademark “Hori McGory” in New Zealand

So as most of you already know, I released a book. Because of the popularity and the early traction the brand is getting, I figured it was smart to trademark the name Hori McGory. Easy job, right? Fill out a form, pay a fee, get the trademark. Yeah, nah. Not even close, bro.

A mate of mine over in Aussie, who holds both NZ and Australian passports, offered to lodge the application for me. I thought this was going to be straight forward. Then I hit the checklist.

Right there, sticking out like dog’s balls, was this line:

“Does your trade mark include Māori elements?”

And it gets better. The form explains:

“When we examine your application, we will assess if your trade mark is likely to offend a significant section of the community, including Māori. If the trade mark you would like to register contains Māori elements, we will refer your application to our Māori Trade Marks Advisory Committee (MTAC) for their advice.

We have developed an Aratohu Mātauranga checklist to help you think through potential issues if your trade mark contains Māori elements. Completing this checklist is optional, and is not required as part of a trade mark application.”

At that point I did a quick Google search out of curiosity, and found this beauty:

“The term Hori is recognised to be an ethnic or racial epithet directed towards Māori and carries a pejorative or derogatory connotation.”

Which is absolute rubbish. I didn’t choose the name because it was an insult. I chose it because it starts with H and it comes from the Māori transliteration of George, an incredibly common name during early colonisation. One of my mate’s grandfathers was named Hori. Agent Pete floated the name and it fit perfectly for a satirical Kiwi character.

But we all know what is going to happen the moment the Māori Trade Marks Advisory Committee sees that word on an application, searches my book, and reads that it talks about the genocide of the Moriori. The answer will probably be something along the lines of, “Nah cuzzie.”

And that got me thinking. Why do we even have a committee like this deciding what words are acceptable for a trademark? Wasn’t this government supposed to be tidying up separatist rubbish like this? Here I am on a Friday afternoon having to write about a system that might block a trademark because some people might get offended.

If I filed a complaint every time something offended me, I’d never leave the house. Offensive things exist. That’s life. You get on with it.

Thankfully,

Simon Anderson

came up with a genius idea: register the trademark overseas. So that is exactly what we are doing. I’m not paying the fees, filling out the forms, and then waiting for a panel to decide whether “Hori McGory” is acceptable enough for the New Zealand public.

While we are at it, we may as well trademark “whūk” too.

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If you would like to grab a copy of Hori McGory Eats a Moriori, you can order it now at HoriMcGory.com. If you are keen on a free e-book version, simply sign up as a paid subscriber to this publication and I will send you a copy to read within the next week or so.

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