The NZ Herald’s utterly pathetic attempt at journalism

A fucking dress, really?

You really can’t hate the media enough. This morning, lifestyle journalist, Tyson Beckett of the NZ Herald churned out a headline so utterly stupid it makes Woman’s Day look like serious journalism:

“Finance Minister Nicola Willis criticised for wearing UK dress on Budget day.”

Are you actually fucking kidding me? This is what passes for news now?

Apparently, Beckett thought it was headline-worthy outrage that Willis wore a dress not made in New Zealand while delivering the country’s financial blueprint. She quotes Caroline Marr, an Auckland designer and (safe bet) a Green Party supporter, who moaned that Willis choosing a UK brand showed “total disrespect” to the local fashion industry.

The biggest issue facing New Zealand is the label inside the Finance Minister’s dress.

Meanwhile, the media, this country’s gutless, fashion-obsessed but politically toothless press, won’t say a single word about the full-blown costume party happening in Parliament daily. So since the Herald won’t do its job, I’ll do it for them. Here are five actual fashion disasters sitting in our House of Representatives that no one in the media has the balls to criticise.

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1. Benjamin Doyle

The Green MP who treats Parliament like a runway at a bussy-fest. Tiny hats. Massive hei tiki pendants that scream “look, I’m sort of Māori, please like me.” And those pearl necklaces? It’s less professional attire and more cosplay. Parliament isn’t supposed to be a fashion statement or a cultural grab-bag. It’s supposed to be a place of leadership and policy.

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2. Rawiri Waititi

Here’s a bloke who throws a tantrum if someone overseas dares do a haka, but struts into Parliament dressed like a Māori Clint Eastwood. Cowboy hats, bolo ties and Air Jordans are his usual get-up, topped off with a full-face moko that makes him look more like a clown than a serious politician. You want to talk about disrespect? Start here.

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3. Chlöe Swarbrick

Chlöe, the queen of beige. Brown jackets, grey trousers, drab shirts. Her whole wardrobe looks like it was lifted from a hospice donation bin or her great grandmothers estate. And then there’s the time she wore a watermelon-coloured kippah, parodying Jewish symbols for the sake of some cheap performative point. But sure, let’s all pile on Nicola Willis for wearing a UK-made dress that actually looked good.

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4. Debbie Ngarewa-Packer

The Te Pāti Māori co-leader who shows up dressed like a Victorian ghost hunter. Top hats, lacey throwbacks, and outfits that scream steampunk cosplay more than political professionalism. Honestly, she looks like she wandered out of a 19th-century circus. Fitting, since she leads one.

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5. Hana-Rawhiti Maipi-Clarke

Te Pāti Māori’s youngest MP and another fashion crime in progress. She’s fond of berets, baggy tartan dresses and kapa haka routines that feel more like high-school assemblies than national politics. Her outfits seem to come straight from a student theatre wardrobe and yet the media is too scared to say a word.

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So NZ Herald, before you go after Nicola Willis for daring to look sharp in a UK-made dress, maybe take a hard look at the walking wardrobe malfunctions roaming the halls of Parliament. Or don’t. Stick to fluff pieces and recycled PR blurbs — it’s clearly all you’re good for.

Finance Minister Nicola Willis in the dress she is criticised for wearing - I have to say, she looks fantastic!

4o