About a week ago, I wrote about watching Australian TV and cringing through one of their “Welcome to Country” performances. It was awkward and over-the-top. New Zealand isn’t too far behind. You can’t even watch the All Blacks anymore without sitting through our own version of the same spectacle, and it’s starting to feel like a parody of itself.
Sick of the haka, over the welcome to country?
The other night, I was sitting down watching some Australian live TV through Kodi when I was hit with one of those painfully predictable rituals - a "Welcome to Country." Just when I thought the haka had reached peak cringe in New Zealand, Australia said, "Hold my XXXX Gold."
I tried to find a clip of the cultural performance from last night’s test, but came across a similar one from the All Blacks vs France match at Forsyth Barr Stadium a few weeks ago. It opened with a white bloke blowing into a taonga pūoro, basically the Māori equivalent of a didgeridoo. It looked more like something out of an Aussie broadcast than a New Zealand rugby match. Then the camera panned to a pale woman screeching and shaking her hands like she had Parkinson’s disease. That was followed by another performer, who didn’t look very Māori either, flapping her arms around like some kind of Flipper Boy (and no, you really don’t want to Google that).
Pardon my te reo, but whuk - it was bloody embarrassing.
Why can’t we just play rugby? Isn’t the haka already enough? It’s a tradition that most of us have accepted as part of the All Blacks identity, but now it seems like we need to bolt on extra layers of cultural theatre before the game even starts. For the average punter tuning in, they just want to sink a few beers and watch the boys throw the ball around. Not be lectured or forced through another round of ceremonial guilt.
What’s worse, it’s all starting to feel like a performance for the cameras. When the broadcast cuts to the crowd, the camera crew seem obsessed with finding kids with painted-on moko. Almost as if someone behind the scenes gave instructions to “find the Māori-looking kids”. It reeks of tokenism and box-ticking.
The truth is, Māori fatigue is real. People are getting tired of being symbolically “welcomed” to a country they were born in. If you were born here, you’re tangata whenua. End of story. Yet somehow, we keep pretending that only one culture has a claim to this land.
If we’re going to keep doing cultural performances before sport, then how about some balance? Why not also acknowledge the history of colonisation, the courage and vision it took to sail thousands of kilometres, settle new lands, the bloodshed of war and build modern nations from the ground up? That’s just as much a part of our story.
Rugby is meant to unite us. But these awkward, forced performances feel more like they're trying to divide and alienate.
Share this post