If you follow me on X, you might have seen the clip above, which I posted of the so-called “cultural performance” before the T20 cricket match between New Zealand and Australia. Honestly, it was one of the most humiliating spectacles I’ve ever watched – a waka-wreck from start to finish.
I am sure once you’ve watched it, you will agree with me - it was awful. A hollow log being bashed like a toddler throwing a tantrum, screaming that sounded like a cross between a strangled cat and a wailing siren, and face paint that looked like it belonged at a primary school gala. It was uncoordinated, amateur, and utterly cringeworthy. This wasn’t culture. This was noise
This is what I originally posted - forgive the wording, I was about five Diplomatico Reserva Exclusiva rums in by that point. (Side note: it’s easily one of my favourite sipping rums right now.)
I wasn’t the only one who thought so. The post racked up over a hundred comments, and nearly everyone agreed – people are sick of being force-fed this nonsense. Every event in New Zealand now seems to need a cultural insert, whether it fits or not. It’s as if we’re trying to outdo Australia’s “welcome to country” ceremonies by shoving a performance into every possible gap, even when it makes zero sense.
Former Shortland Street actor and NZ First candidate Lee Donoghue nailed it when he said:
“🤣🤣🤣 What has it got to do with cricket? It’s like having a traditional bagpipe group open a kapa haka competition.”
He’s spot on. Cricket is one of the most colonial sports on the planet. It doesn’t connect with Māori tradition in the slightest. Rugby, league, MMA – sure. But cricket? Trying to weld a Māori performance onto the start of a cricket match just reeks of box-ticking and tokenism.
The truth is this “performance” was nothing more than embarrassing filler. The woman and man were shouting two different things like they hadn’t even rehearsed, the kids on their didgeridoo knock-offs sounded like a slaughterhouse at full tilt, and the whole thing looked thrown together at the last minute. Any honest Māori would admit it was whakn’ embarrassing.
Here’s the question no one’s asking - how much is New Zealand Cricket paying for this cringe? Because if the answer is anything more than zero, it’s a disgrace. Fans pay to watch cricket, not some awkward cultural mash-up that leaves the entire crowd wincing.
New Zealand deserves better than this. Culture deserves better than this. If this is what passes as a performance, it doesn’t showcase pride – it showcases incompetence.
What happened before that match was a national embarrassment, and New Zealand Cricket should be ashamed for allowing it.
